Ten important Thanksgiving Day quotes

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1. My mom makes something called green pie, which I thought was a delicacy that many people only had at Thanksgiving, but it turns out it was just Jell-O with whipped cream on it. And it’s delicious. —  Bobby Moynihan

2. My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow. —  Rita Rudner

3. We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving.  Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan.  You get more stuffing. —  George Carlin

4. Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. —  Erma Bombeck

5. Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants. —  Kevin James

6. I make a fabulous tofurkey for Thanksgiving. My Mexican-Italian family can’t tell the difference. —  Christian Serratos

7. Agriculture is a business that has been up to its bib overalls in politics since the first Thanksgiving dinner kickback to the Indians for subsidizing Pilgrim maize production with fish head fertilizer grants. —  P. J. O’Rourke

8. Something I didn’t even know was on my bucket list has been achieved. I have cooked Thanksgiving dinner with Martha Stewart. I vow to follow the gospel of her teachings and do my very best in the remarkably less glamorous kitchen of my own home — without the luxury of magically appearing prep bowls filled by a staff of sous chefs. —  Jesse Tyler Ferguson

9. Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. — Michael Dresser

10. When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving.  But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog.  Only kidding.  It was the cat! —  David Letterman

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